the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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