Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
