i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
