Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
