I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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