your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
