btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
