So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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