It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
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Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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