Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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