dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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