Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
