He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
