another moral hangover. fuck.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
