I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
