but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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