lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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