i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
