you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
