Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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