I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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