ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
