He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
