And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
