i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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