Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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