There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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