She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
