How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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