Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
