im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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