Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
