I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
