woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
