Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
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Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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