i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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