had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like death gave me a hand job
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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