I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
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The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize