Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I said "one day" and that day is not today
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
