I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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