I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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