That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
