I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
