My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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