I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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