that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize