Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
