I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
