is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
