Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
