This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
