But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
