Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
