I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
