I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
