Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
