Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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