So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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