your thong is hanging out like whoa
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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