Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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