Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
there is glitter all over my balls
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