I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
