I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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